Hard Things To Sketch: Sketching Therapy after the Christchurch Shootings

I travel a lot in my job and on 15th March, I was about to catch a plane back to Christchurch when I discovered the flight was cancelled.  A few texts later and the group I was travelling with, realised something terrible was happening in Christchurch.  I rapidly organised to drive a rental car back and begun a long drive, with the radio giving constant updates, as I headed back to my friends and family in the heart of what was a 'war zone'.  It was one of the most deeply traumatic days I've experienced. The mosque was something that I, like so many people from Christchurch, felt emotionally linked to.  Over the next few days I found myself grieving with thousands of others.  For me I just grabbed my sketchbook and begun a bit of sketching therapy.

It took a couple of days to pick up the courage.  The first time I went to the rapidly growing wall of tributes I had only intended to go for half an hour but stayed for a couple of hours.  Sketching while trying to hold back emotion, was something quite new and difficult.

This first one was one of the biggest floral arrangements I have seen.  It was made with the seed pods of the local, South Island flax.  The two bunches were adorned with a islamic and christian symbols.  Next to them, on one side, was a simple kiwi, with the words "they are us" painted above: this became the identifying phrase of grieving.  On the other side, someone had grabbed a cardboard box and painted their tribute and tied it to the gates.

This next sketch is a bit of a composite of the crowds and people's personal, painted tributes... It was when I realised the media presence, which made everything a bit surreal.

 For this last sketch on my first day, I crossed the road to record a bit of that media circus... Tents, generators, huge satellite dishes, reporters reporting.  It was a different side of grieving.  I found it quite personally confronting, and sketching was again, my way of recording it and letting it go.

The next day was even harder. After a couple of days back at work everyone's 'wheels' began to fall off.  It was as if we were all reliving the hard parts of our past and were having to do it in public, with the people we work with.  It wasn't the easiest place to be so I thought I'd go back and do a couple of other sketches...

 This tribute was for a young Bangladeshi guy who was in NZ on his own: no family here but his workmates, who clearly felt things deeply.  They had simply picked up his Hi-vis gear and written their own, personal message to him on it.  This still brings a tear to me.  It's so deeply personal. Some mates in the tough world of contracting, who really were struggling with the grief.  It was Zakaria's 34th Birthday.  He had gone to the mosque to celebrate his birthday.

 This last sketch was a tribute from some school kids written on post-its, formed into big hearts.  It was amazing and people stood and read as many of the tributes they could...

I try to sketch every day but, after this, I couldn't sketch for at least a week.  Getting back with our Christchurch City Sketchers after this, was a much needed return to normality.

As hard as it is, sketching can work wonders in processing the hard things in life.  The memories of this are permanent, the feelings raw and real, and I wasn't 'personally affected'.  This was trauma on a city scale, returning after we thought it had gone.  The city is a stronger and more together place as a result.